Was a special night. Gardens opened up the evening and we added Lathan Hardy on tenor sax and clarinet. I really enjoy this project at this stage, it's never the same performance and it always keeps me uncomfortable. I need that. Tonight I could hear new horizons, new possibilities. Radically different from our last show. I enjoyed 2 of the other bands as well. The one I didn't enjoy, well, Cake Shop has an upstairs where you can hang out. I was feeling kinda odd and lonely so I honored my inner animal and went upstairs to stare into space.
I feel strange. Going into it I felt this sadness. The music was really good but couldn't shake that feeling. It's okay, I've learned not to alter a feeling and just be honest and put it into my playing. If I feel happy that's what you get, sad, well I ain't gonna lie to ya.
I've spoken about this before but I'll keep writing until an answer comes. I do enjoy a nice drink now and then but I can't really be around drunk people. I've never felt safe around that kind of energy. It's exhausting. I lose my open vibe easily and start to contract. It doesn't feel good. And I'm in music. Music is presented in bars. What do I do about this? What can I do? Its in my vision to present in alternative spaces and concert halls. I will not stop trying until that is realized. I know it is possible.
It really gets into other areas of this here life. Where I meet people. Church is social, bars are social. Neither has ever suited me. They are kind of one in the same to me, just different prayers. Like one couldn't exist without the other. That phony duality we humans insist on creating. And apparently I'm not strong enough yet to not be triggered by the vibes. It's cool. I'll just keep working on it till I am more loving and better at the psychic bubble wrapping of my core being.
For now I'll just pray for an answer. I'm not inspired by the choices I have. I'm open to something I can't yet see, hear or feel yet. I do have faith that it's out there.
With love, J
I feel strange. Going into it I felt this sadness. The music was really good but couldn't shake that feeling. It's okay, I've learned not to alter a feeling and just be honest and put it into my playing. If I feel happy that's what you get, sad, well I ain't gonna lie to ya.
I've spoken about this before but I'll keep writing until an answer comes. I do enjoy a nice drink now and then but I can't really be around drunk people. I've never felt safe around that kind of energy. It's exhausting. I lose my open vibe easily and start to contract. It doesn't feel good. And I'm in music. Music is presented in bars. What do I do about this? What can I do? Its in my vision to present in alternative spaces and concert halls. I will not stop trying until that is realized. I know it is possible.
It really gets into other areas of this here life. Where I meet people. Church is social, bars are social. Neither has ever suited me. They are kind of one in the same to me, just different prayers. Like one couldn't exist without the other. That phony duality we humans insist on creating. And apparently I'm not strong enough yet to not be triggered by the vibes. It's cool. I'll just keep working on it till I am more loving and better at the psychic bubble wrapping of my core being.
For now I'll just pray for an answer. I'm not inspired by the choices I have. I'm open to something I can't yet see, hear or feel yet. I do have faith that it's out there.
With love, J
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