https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ls33JN395OE
I hate the word potential. "You have so much potential.....blah blah". It's an awful word. Just get on with it. Make your record or song or whatever. I hate it the most cause I've heard this said to and about me enough times I gag when I hear it.
Something is holding me back and that something is me and my petty fears and poor rituals. My habits. I want to make the best music I can make in this lifetime and I want it to reach enough hearts to, well, make a more that comfortable living and I only want to do it by making honest music.
Lately I can feel my conditioning. It's like this fog made of vagueness. It's quite physical. I know I need to exercise more, that is one way to move the fog along so I may see the sun better. I've never been able to quite get into a routine.
What I'm an ace at is distracting myself. Facebook, relationships I shouldn't be in, underpaying jobs I have taken on for years of my life, my tube amp fixing backup plan business (which I fell back on for 2 decades!), Netflix, Ebay, credit card addiction, cleaning up the result of that, being in bands I don't like but have been too afraid to 'hurt any ones feelings' and my self esteem is low enough that I like that they like me even though the music we are making does nothing for me, chasing money gigs and the list goes on and on.
I have 3 projects going on. I love them all. One is Gospel of Mars which is a bit of a jazz group. We are fantastic. We need to move on making a record. I know partly out of my fear I've created situations where I'm always waiting on this person or that, you know, putting it off. We need that record. The second is called Gardens, it's relatively new. Just me and a good friend. Our last performance I said "oh damn, we actually are good". It was obvious that we have a lot of that evil 'P' word that needs to be realized. The third is my solo material. Solo guitar and saxophone. People like what I do with this and it will be good to organize and finally get record 2 done. It's really good. It's a solo project so I am accountable to no one but me. I need help.
So this post is the beginning of many. I'll start with a 5 question bit about getting on and breaking through. It's nothing original, I lifted it straight from a Tony Robbins viddy. I'm finding it quite effective today. It's really meant for crisis times but for me, I don't have those and when I do, action is not a problem: I am accountable to finding a solution or I die. When there isn't a deadly snake in the room, I get vague and my action is scattered. Not much gets done and I write these blog post.
You'd probably rather just hear the music right? I would.
#1 The problem: I have a hard time getting started. I know I have a lot of talent and massive potential (ew!) but I'm not doing all I can to realize my life. I feel vague, not in control of my days. No crisis, just a feeling of 'meh, whatevs'. I know that I am being rewarded and reinforced for my inaction somehow, but I don't exactly see what the reward is. What is the reward for being vague? Answer? I think it's so I can continue to live in a fantasy. Everything is fine, I'll get there someday. I'll do this later etc. It's fate cause I'm so talented etc mixed with the lie that nobody understands my music so why try?
#2 Get to the truth and deal with it:
Ah, there is the reward. I don't care to look at the truth of this life which is that I'm not satisfied with where I am. But the truth may be too beautiful to look at (I am as good as other people say I am and I do have a lot to give) or too ugly (I'm really not that talented, I just got a lot of attention as a teenager cause I got good at what I do very fast and now I'm below average and I can't keep up. Would be better to be a lawyer or a chimney sweep!)
But, I want to explore the former. The beautiful. And since music is what I do best, I want to keep moving forward.
The truth? In me there is an underlying rejection of popular music. As I kid I had an overbearing rejection to popular culture, popular people, not popular people. I was kind of a hater. I'm not that sad kid any more thank god, but the habits of rejection are still there.
Funny thing is is I do like popular music. I keep buying nice hits for my Iphone. Stuff I can sing along to and dance along to. I had this core belief that if it's simple, it's no good. So I went for rather alienating music in my college years trying to compete with fusion and metal guys. (Competition is a myth ladies and germs!) Today my favorite music is simple and clear. I even dig country.
Lets dig deeper. I have this superiority/inferiority complex. It runs deep. It's part of my conditioning. To work on and share music is quite transcendent. It contradicts the nasty 2000 year old pattern meaning I don't get to live in the lie that I'm superior or inferior to anyone or anything! We are all cut from the same cloth. Working on music is working on my capacity to love these days. It was at points when I was trying to sound like the Police or Lungfish, working on my capacity to lie. Today it really is about love.
The truth is I love a good melody and a good beat. I love to sing and dance and smile. Some day maybe a hit will be revealed to me if I keep writing daily. That will be a day worth celebrating.
How to face and deal with these truths? I need to surround myself with people that keep me real and honest.People that are positive and willing to show up to rehearsal and do their best. If I fail them I feel horrible. I like feeling good.
#3 Get a vision and get strong!
Okay. I'm afraid to say what my vision is. All that fear of rejection and looking stupid comes right up.
What is my vision in music? I wake up every day at 10 am, meditate, write, have breakfast, relax, and by 3pm I'm in the studio producing, playing, writing, collaborating, enjoying the creation of sound. I make so much music that most of it goes in the trash but the stuff y'all get to hear is good and plentiful. And oh yeah, it's my studio, I own a 2 bedroom apartment and a house in the country and I'm on the road at least 1/3 of the year playing in front of audiences. And I'm making a mil a year living the life I want.
All this guilt comes up around the last sentence. Am I greedy? What are my friends going to think? Are they going to think I'm a sellout?
What is a sellout? Kenny G makes people happy and seems to enjoy his life. I don't like his music at all but I do like that he seems like he's on a high frequency vibe. Whatever makes you happy.
#4 Get a role model!
Okay. Never really had one. I'm gendered male. In other words I don't ask for directions when I'm lost. I act like I know where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. It's a lie. I'm way lost and I need help! I don't know anything about the music business and have avoided it cause that would mean clarity and taking responsibility.
I grew up a huge Jimi fan. But go so turned off by Jimi fanatics. Why are devotees always so poor and dirty? Plus, the poor cat thought he was crap and he died at 27 years old. My role models all have problems.....hmm, I have problems too. So I'll focus on the triumphs. How they got from point a to b all the way to z.
Alright. I picked up a book of Coltrane interviews and a biography. I love his music but do not wish to sound like him or make music like his, but reading his interviews and bits about him, his humility is what really grabs me. I need to cultivate that.
I once asked my friend Lawrence Clark about his practice routine. It sounded intimidating. He's really disciplined. I'm a space cadet. But I put together what I could do as a routine and did it. And....I got somewhere. I'm further along. And when I hear him play I'm inspired to work hard.
I just got off the road doing guitar tech for Tv on the Radio. They sound incredible this tour. What did I get out of it? I raised my standard of weekly income which is great, but more importantly I got surrounded by good vibes and got to stay in the nicest hotels I've ever enjoyed. I like it. I want more. I want to take my projects as far as they have taken their music. At one point I could not have done that gig. Too full of jealousy and resentment. The antidote? Work on your own music and your own self. It's taken years to be happy in that. I would never want to be in their band but I sure love that band and I sure love my own bands!
Heck. I'm surrounded by role models. I will ask them more about how to get to point b!
#5 Give much more than I expect to receive.
It's funny how easy this has been when I had my amp repair business. But with music? Well. Progress, not perfection. When i perform I give it my all but always feel I can give more. I want to give more. I like giving. I like giving cause it feels good. I need no other reason than that. So I will plant this into my mind and up the game.
So here's what I will do with this blog. I need to create more accountability around making music and getting it out there. I am the king of letting myself down but I hate letting anyone else down. So every day here I will post what I did do each day to move further towards the promised land. I invite you to come along on this journey and please feel free to comment, help, be a community, give suggestions, give me a pile of money, whatever makes you feel good!
Enjoy and get out there and do your best! J1
I hate the word potential. "You have so much potential.....blah blah". It's an awful word. Just get on with it. Make your record or song or whatever. I hate it the most cause I've heard this said to and about me enough times I gag when I hear it.
Something is holding me back and that something is me and my petty fears and poor rituals. My habits. I want to make the best music I can make in this lifetime and I want it to reach enough hearts to, well, make a more that comfortable living and I only want to do it by making honest music.
Lately I can feel my conditioning. It's like this fog made of vagueness. It's quite physical. I know I need to exercise more, that is one way to move the fog along so I may see the sun better. I've never been able to quite get into a routine.
What I'm an ace at is distracting myself. Facebook, relationships I shouldn't be in, underpaying jobs I have taken on for years of my life, my tube amp fixing backup plan business (which I fell back on for 2 decades!), Netflix, Ebay, credit card addiction, cleaning up the result of that, being in bands I don't like but have been too afraid to 'hurt any ones feelings' and my self esteem is low enough that I like that they like me even though the music we are making does nothing for me, chasing money gigs and the list goes on and on.
I have 3 projects going on. I love them all. One is Gospel of Mars which is a bit of a jazz group. We are fantastic. We need to move on making a record. I know partly out of my fear I've created situations where I'm always waiting on this person or that, you know, putting it off. We need that record. The second is called Gardens, it's relatively new. Just me and a good friend. Our last performance I said "oh damn, we actually are good". It was obvious that we have a lot of that evil 'P' word that needs to be realized. The third is my solo material. Solo guitar and saxophone. People like what I do with this and it will be good to organize and finally get record 2 done. It's really good. It's a solo project so I am accountable to no one but me. I need help.
So this post is the beginning of many. I'll start with a 5 question bit about getting on and breaking through. It's nothing original, I lifted it straight from a Tony Robbins viddy. I'm finding it quite effective today. It's really meant for crisis times but for me, I don't have those and when I do, action is not a problem: I am accountable to finding a solution or I die. When there isn't a deadly snake in the room, I get vague and my action is scattered. Not much gets done and I write these blog post.
You'd probably rather just hear the music right? I would.
#1 The problem: I have a hard time getting started. I know I have a lot of talent and massive potential (ew!) but I'm not doing all I can to realize my life. I feel vague, not in control of my days. No crisis, just a feeling of 'meh, whatevs'. I know that I am being rewarded and reinforced for my inaction somehow, but I don't exactly see what the reward is. What is the reward for being vague? Answer? I think it's so I can continue to live in a fantasy. Everything is fine, I'll get there someday. I'll do this later etc. It's fate cause I'm so talented etc mixed with the lie that nobody understands my music so why try?
#2 Get to the truth and deal with it:
Ah, there is the reward. I don't care to look at the truth of this life which is that I'm not satisfied with where I am. But the truth may be too beautiful to look at (I am as good as other people say I am and I do have a lot to give) or too ugly (I'm really not that talented, I just got a lot of attention as a teenager cause I got good at what I do very fast and now I'm below average and I can't keep up. Would be better to be a lawyer or a chimney sweep!)
But, I want to explore the former. The beautiful. And since music is what I do best, I want to keep moving forward.
The truth? In me there is an underlying rejection of popular music. As I kid I had an overbearing rejection to popular culture, popular people, not popular people. I was kind of a hater. I'm not that sad kid any more thank god, but the habits of rejection are still there.
Funny thing is is I do like popular music. I keep buying nice hits for my Iphone. Stuff I can sing along to and dance along to. I had this core belief that if it's simple, it's no good. So I went for rather alienating music in my college years trying to compete with fusion and metal guys. (Competition is a myth ladies and germs!) Today my favorite music is simple and clear. I even dig country.
Lets dig deeper. I have this superiority/inferiority complex. It runs deep. It's part of my conditioning. To work on and share music is quite transcendent. It contradicts the nasty 2000 year old pattern meaning I don't get to live in the lie that I'm superior or inferior to anyone or anything! We are all cut from the same cloth. Working on music is working on my capacity to love these days. It was at points when I was trying to sound like the Police or Lungfish, working on my capacity to lie. Today it really is about love.
The truth is I love a good melody and a good beat. I love to sing and dance and smile. Some day maybe a hit will be revealed to me if I keep writing daily. That will be a day worth celebrating.
How to face and deal with these truths? I need to surround myself with people that keep me real and honest.People that are positive and willing to show up to rehearsal and do their best. If I fail them I feel horrible. I like feeling good.
#3 Get a vision and get strong!
Okay. I'm afraid to say what my vision is. All that fear of rejection and looking stupid comes right up.
What is my vision in music? I wake up every day at 10 am, meditate, write, have breakfast, relax, and by 3pm I'm in the studio producing, playing, writing, collaborating, enjoying the creation of sound. I make so much music that most of it goes in the trash but the stuff y'all get to hear is good and plentiful. And oh yeah, it's my studio, I own a 2 bedroom apartment and a house in the country and I'm on the road at least 1/3 of the year playing in front of audiences. And I'm making a mil a year living the life I want.
All this guilt comes up around the last sentence. Am I greedy? What are my friends going to think? Are they going to think I'm a sellout?
What is a sellout? Kenny G makes people happy and seems to enjoy his life. I don't like his music at all but I do like that he seems like he's on a high frequency vibe. Whatever makes you happy.
#4 Get a role model!
Okay. Never really had one. I'm gendered male. In other words I don't ask for directions when I'm lost. I act like I know where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. It's a lie. I'm way lost and I need help! I don't know anything about the music business and have avoided it cause that would mean clarity and taking responsibility.
I grew up a huge Jimi fan. But go so turned off by Jimi fanatics. Why are devotees always so poor and dirty? Plus, the poor cat thought he was crap and he died at 27 years old. My role models all have problems.....hmm, I have problems too. So I'll focus on the triumphs. How they got from point a to b all the way to z.
Alright. I picked up a book of Coltrane interviews and a biography. I love his music but do not wish to sound like him or make music like his, but reading his interviews and bits about him, his humility is what really grabs me. I need to cultivate that.
I once asked my friend Lawrence Clark about his practice routine. It sounded intimidating. He's really disciplined. I'm a space cadet. But I put together what I could do as a routine and did it. And....I got somewhere. I'm further along. And when I hear him play I'm inspired to work hard.
I just got off the road doing guitar tech for Tv on the Radio. They sound incredible this tour. What did I get out of it? I raised my standard of weekly income which is great, but more importantly I got surrounded by good vibes and got to stay in the nicest hotels I've ever enjoyed. I like it. I want more. I want to take my projects as far as they have taken their music. At one point I could not have done that gig. Too full of jealousy and resentment. The antidote? Work on your own music and your own self. It's taken years to be happy in that. I would never want to be in their band but I sure love that band and I sure love my own bands!
Heck. I'm surrounded by role models. I will ask them more about how to get to point b!
#5 Give much more than I expect to receive.
It's funny how easy this has been when I had my amp repair business. But with music? Well. Progress, not perfection. When i perform I give it my all but always feel I can give more. I want to give more. I like giving. I like giving cause it feels good. I need no other reason than that. So I will plant this into my mind and up the game.
So here's what I will do with this blog. I need to create more accountability around making music and getting it out there. I am the king of letting myself down but I hate letting anyone else down. So every day here I will post what I did do each day to move further towards the promised land. I invite you to come along on this journey and please feel free to comment, help, be a community, give suggestions, give me a pile of money, whatever makes you feel good!
Enjoy and get out there and do your best! J1
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