What have I been doing for the past year?

It's been over a year since I last wrote here, and now that the world has stopped I have time to reflect and share again.

Over the last 4-5 years I've had a return to my roots. As a teenager I studied a bit of classical guitar and really loved it. I especially loved the weaving of 2 melodies together in counterpoint. I studied with a good local teacher named Bruce Casteel in Columbia Maryland. He had some great classical students, some who went on to prestigious conservatories, then he had fellows like me. I don't think he saw me as particularly disciplined, and he was probably right, so he never put me on a method book or anything like that. And truth be told I would probably have fled if he did. Being a young, frightened, egotistical teenager I was 'better than everyone' while at the same time was 'the bottom of the worst.' Neither of which was true but that's what a good dose of fear does to the mind.

Bruce had a house full of fine classical guitars. Ramirez, Dauphin, Marzal and some ones I don't remember. They were expensive. Minimum $2000 in the 80's. A vintage Stratocaster was about five hundred bucks and I was a Jimi head. So, I'll let you figure out what I decided.

But Bruce put up with me. He had a wild side too and taught me how to improvise. Scales, modes etc. My brother and I would make up songs in whatever mode was presented just to learn the mode and not be bored playing the 'blues box.'

I also got into composing. I wrote 2 or 3 pieces and figured I'm no Bach so I gave it up. Much like I did with drawing and writing stories. I was so hard on myself then. In fact if playing blues rock, psychedelic music didn't come relatively easy to me I may not have pursued music at all and I wouldn't be writing this blog post.

So fast forward. Not writing my biography today here....

After years of playing in bands and having limited success, a good personal economic meltdown in 2010 which led me to re-examine every choice in my life, I found a Carcassi guitar method book at Sam Ash on 34th street. I had glued my moms busted Silvertone "Classic Folk" guitar back together and found myself just doing the exercises in there daily with the same energy as when I was a teenager. See, I used to practice my scales hours daily. It was obsession. I was waaaaay too lazy to play video games, too much work, but practicing scales and songs, that was just fun for me.

So I started learning pieces out of that Carcassi book. The Stratocaster doesn't really interest me any more so I started seeking out good guitars which I find to be completely fascinating. The Torres design, the Hauser spin on it and all that followed. In short I fell in love with making music again. I fell in love with the instrument again.And I've fallen in love with composing again except this time I don't really care if my pieces are genius or even any good at all. I just enjoy writing and  enjoy practicing.

When I hit that 'self taught' wall I found a great teacher for me on Craigslist named Carlos Pavan. So happens he's a composer so I see him weekly to discuss and perform my new works with him. It's so worth it to invest in oneself and I'm so grateful he's around.

So for the last year I've been working on my second solo LP. I was hoping to record it this summer and have it out in the fall but the world is on pause today so I have no idea what to do. I am taking advantage of this time to make my compositions better, challenge myself and practice. I'm taking the gentle approach, no hard deadlines, little self criticism, and a lot of help and support from loved ones.

When it will be ready I have no idea. There may not even be a vinyl record maker left standing when we get through this sad and brutal time. Right now it's just about one day at a time and love thy neighbor. That's enough for me. But stay posted, I'll be here writing music and pages like this.

Take care everyone. Let's ride this out and re-build when we can.

-J

Photo: Matt Licari
Guitar: John Vergara

On faith, patience and progress.

This summer, Gospel of Mars hit the 5 year mark. Five years.... how did that happen? We have our first LP coming out soon, something I knew would happen but had little idea of when.

We could have done it sooner, but really, everything happens in it's own perfect time, in it's own perfect way. And there have been plenty of setbacks with this LP. For some reason I don't feel the leat bit frustrated. It's at the pressing plant and I have no control over anything. I don't know when it will be in our hands, I just know that it will be in our hands.

There was a point in my life not long ago where everything seemed to be in a rush. I would be playing in 4 different projects, my heart may have been in one of the 4, the rest were things that 'may become successful' or projects that I felt weirdly obligated to do. I was stretched thin and not particularly happy. Everything was urgent. Life was urgent. And whatever music I had my heart in I allowed to suffer. I had little faith in it.

Then I hit bottom.

I learned to say no. It forced me to be honest. The bottom sucks but if you let it, it's the greatest teacher.

If we forced ourselves to make a record 4 years ago, it wouldn't have been very good as we weren't very good. We have a tendency to create material that is too challenging for us to play well. It takes time and persistence.

Now there isn't a sense of urgency any longer. Which is Ironic. I have 30 less years of time ahead of me than I did 30 years ago when I played my first gig. Everything was urgent. Maybe cause I'm in no hurry to die? Or maybe cause I'm just enjoying the ride, getting better on my instruments, and enjoying the company of my friends and fellow bandmates and the honor it is to create with them. These things are more important to me now. The progress is the success.

My faith is stillness is unshakeable now. Sit still, show up and do the work. Simple formula. All the good things that have happened to us happened in ways that weren't expected. We didn't shop our record at all, we just got in front of the right folks to put it out. They have faith in us. That happened at the right time, we already had the recording in the can. We still struggle getting gigs outside of 2 spots that we love, and really, do we need more places? We've built a bit of community by playing at Troost 17 times now. When it's time for us to step it up, it will happen naturally in it's own way.

I think the old me was just ego.....always forcing it's will. That's the model in our society that we're given over and over again. The forceful egomaniac gets the success. Maybe that's true, and maybe it's true that it doesn't last and doesn't make anyone happy.

And what if you're a natural introvert like I am? I can't think of a more dishonest way of life than to try to fit in with the extrovert. There is no success in dishonesty. And most days I'm now happy. Glad to serve our music and audience. Grateful that the music we make is honest and not trying to 'make it'. Happy to let the music we make take us where we are needed to go. On it's own perfect time and it's own perfect way.

JB