On faith, patience and progress.

This summer, Gospel of Mars hit the 5 year mark. Five years.... how did that happen? We have our first LP coming out soon, something I knew would happen but had little idea of when.

We could have done it sooner, but really, everything happens in it's own perfect time, in it's own perfect way. And there have been plenty of setbacks with this LP. For some reason I don't feel the leat bit frustrated. It's at the pressing plant and I have no control over anything. I don't know when it will be in our hands, I just know that it will be in our hands.

There was a point in my life not long ago where everything seemed to be in a rush. I would be playing in 4 different projects, my heart may have been in one of the 4, the rest were things that 'may become successful' or projects that I felt weirdly obligated to do. I was stretched thin and not particularly happy. Everything was urgent. Life was urgent. And whatever music I had my heart in I allowed to suffer. I had little faith in it.

Then I hit bottom.

I learned to say no. It forced me to be honest. The bottom sucks but if you let it, it's the greatest teacher.

If we forced ourselves to make a record 4 years ago, it wouldn't have been very good as we weren't very good. We have a tendency to create material that is too challenging for us to play well. It takes time and persistence.

Now there isn't a sense of urgency any longer. Which is Ironic. I have 30 less years of time ahead of me than I did 30 years ago when I played my first gig. Everything was urgent. Maybe cause I'm in no hurry to die? Or maybe cause I'm just enjoying the ride, getting better on my instruments, and enjoying the company of my friends and fellow bandmates and the honor it is to create with them. These things are more important to me now. The progress is the success.

My faith is stillness is unshakeable now. Sit still, show up and do the work. Simple formula. All the good things that have happened to us happened in ways that weren't expected. We didn't shop our record at all, we just got in front of the right folks to put it out. They have faith in us. That happened at the right time, we already had the recording in the can. We still struggle getting gigs outside of 2 spots that we love, and really, do we need more places? We've built a bit of community by playing at Troost 17 times now. When it's time for us to step it up, it will happen naturally in it's own way.

I think the old me was just ego.....always forcing it's will. That's the model in our society that we're given over and over again. The forceful egomaniac gets the success. Maybe that's true, and maybe it's true that it doesn't last and doesn't make anyone happy.

And what if you're a natural introvert like I am? I can't think of a more dishonest way of life than to try to fit in with the extrovert. There is no success in dishonesty. And most days I'm now happy. Glad to serve our music and audience. Grateful that the music we make is honest and not trying to 'make it'. Happy to let the music we make take us where we are needed to go. On it's own perfect time and it's own perfect way.

JB

The group sound.

  A good group sound has always been more important to me than my own individual sound. As a musician I've worked hard on my own sound. Saxes, reeds, mouthpieces, countless hours of practice, guitars, picks, strings, tubes, amplifiers and countless hours of practice. All of that is necessary and good but for me means very little without a team.

  I've been really blessed with the current group I play with, Gospel of Mars. We've been at it four and a half years now. There's been times of such discouragement I just wanted to throw in the towel. Some days it feels like these 3 cows in this picture, licking salt with nowhere to go but this little pasture......But we're still at it and in the last 6 months I can say we've become a good band. We've found our sound and that feels better than anything else in this life. It takes that long. I've learned to not make fun of bands that I think are not good. If they stick to it in four years they may be quite good. I may not like the music but I can tell when someone is really committed to their process.

  And that's how it works. Or so I've been told. You show up, show up, show up and show up playing for 4 people, then 5, go through the worst thoughts of quitting, learn to not listen to that voice that constantly compares me to other music (make it more jazz! No one will like this honest stuff you are playing! Make it more rock, improvised music never made anyone a dollar blah blah blah blah bleah!) and then one day those tracks come through that are undeniably good, honest and worth taking care of. I've watched Aaron evolve as a drummer, new kit, different tones, keep honest to his own interest and abilities, and I've watched Bob evolve as a bassist, bigger tone, more adventurous exploration, and as a player myself, my sound has evolved to match the group. I'm the last sax player I would choose for a Bruce Springsteen type band, or for a jazz group. My sound is kind of messed up, but it fits with this group and that's what keeps me interested.

JB