11/21/14 progress

Got 2 1/2 hours in on my horn tonight. What is going well is my sound. I'm liking it better than ever. And my tonguing / articulation is getting easier. Starting to be able to play some fast passages. It's taken me a long time to get to this point so I'm happy about that.

Worked on "Tanya" by Dexter Gordon. There is no badder player than Dex, especially on that tune. Tomorrow I need a writing session.

J1

I can't get started! Ugh, procrastination, success and working together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ls33JN395OE


 I hate the word potential. "You have so much potential.....blah blah". It's an awful word. Just get on with it. Make your record or song or whatever. I hate it the most cause I've heard this said to and about me enough times I gag when I hear it.

  Something is holding me back and that something is me and my petty fears and poor rituals. My habits. I want to make the best music I can make in this lifetime and I want it to reach enough hearts to, well, make a more that comfortable living and I only want to do it by making honest music.

  Lately I can feel my conditioning. It's like this fog made of vagueness. It's quite physical. I know I need to exercise more, that is one way to move the fog along so I may see the sun better. I've never been able to quite get into a routine.

 What I'm an ace at is distracting myself. Facebook, relationships I shouldn't be in, underpaying jobs I have taken on for years of my life, my tube amp fixing backup plan business (which I fell back on for 2 decades!), Netflix, Ebay, credit card addiction, cleaning up the result of that, being in bands I don't like but have been too afraid to 'hurt any ones feelings' and my self esteem is low enough that I like that they like me even though the music we are making does nothing for me, chasing money gigs and the list goes on and on.

  I have 3 projects going on. I love them all. One is Gospel of Mars which is a bit of a jazz group. We are fantastic. We need to move on making a record. I know partly out of my fear I've created situations where I'm always waiting on this person or that, you know, putting it off. We need that record. The second is called Gardens, it's relatively new. Just me and a good friend. Our last performance I said "oh damn, we actually are good". It was obvious that we have a lot of that evil 'P' word that needs to be realized. The third is my solo material. Solo guitar and saxophone. People like what I do with this and it will be good to organize and finally get record 2 done. It's really good. It's a solo project so I am accountable to no one but me. I need help.

  So this post is the beginning of many. I'll start with a 5 question bit about getting on and breaking through. It's nothing original, I lifted it straight from a Tony Robbins viddy. I'm finding it quite effective today. It's really meant for crisis times but for me, I don't have those and when I do, action is not a problem: I am accountable to finding a solution or I die. When there isn't a deadly snake in the room, I get vague and my action is scattered. Not much gets done and I write these blog post.
You'd probably rather just hear the music right? I would.

  #1 The problem: I have a hard time getting started. I know I have a lot of talent and massive potential (ew!) but I'm not doing all I can to realize my life. I feel vague, not in control of my days. No crisis, just a feeling of 'meh, whatevs'. I know that I am being rewarded and reinforced for my inaction somehow, but I don't exactly see what the reward is. What is the reward for being vague? Answer? I think it's so I can continue to live in a fantasy. Everything is fine, I'll get there someday. I'll do this later etc. It's fate cause I'm so talented etc mixed with the lie that nobody understands my music so why try?

  #2 Get to the truth and deal with it:

  Ah, there is the reward. I don't care to look at the truth of this life which is that I'm not satisfied with where I am. But the truth may be too beautiful to look at (I am as good as other people say I am and I do have a lot to give) or too ugly (I'm really not that talented, I just got a lot of attention as a teenager cause I got good at what I do very fast and now I'm below average and I can't keep up. Would be better to be a lawyer or a chimney sweep!)

  But, I want to explore the former. The beautiful. And since music is what I do best, I want to keep moving forward.

  The truth? In me there is an underlying rejection of popular music. As I kid I had an overbearing rejection to popular culture, popular people, not popular people. I was kind of a hater. I'm not that sad kid any more thank god, but the habits of rejection are still there.

  Funny thing is is I do like popular music. I keep buying nice hits for my Iphone. Stuff I can sing along to and dance along to. I had this core belief that if it's simple, it's no good. So I went for rather alienating music in my college years trying to compete with fusion and metal guys. (Competition is a myth ladies and germs!) Today my favorite music is simple and clear. I even dig country.

  Lets dig deeper. I have this superiority/inferiority complex. It runs deep. It's part of my conditioning. To work on and share music is quite transcendent. It contradicts the nasty 2000 year old pattern meaning I don't get to live in the lie that I'm superior or inferior to anyone or anything! We are all cut from the same cloth. Working on music is working on my capacity to love these days. It was at points when I was trying to sound like the Police or Lungfish, working on my capacity to lie. Today it really is about love.

  The truth is I love a good melody and a good beat. I love to sing and dance and smile. Some day maybe a hit will be revealed to me if I keep writing daily. That will be a day worth celebrating.

  How to face and deal with these truths? I need to surround myself with people that keep me real and honest.People that are positive and willing to show up to rehearsal and do their best. If I fail them I feel horrible. I like feeling good.

  #3 Get a vision and get strong!

  Okay. I'm afraid to say what my vision is. All that fear of rejection and looking stupid comes right up.

  What is my vision in music? I wake up every day at 10 am, meditate, write, have breakfast, relax, and by 3pm I'm in the studio producing, playing, writing, collaborating, enjoying the creation of sound. I make so much music that most of it goes in the trash but the stuff y'all get to hear is good and plentiful. And oh yeah, it's my studio, I own a 2 bedroom apartment and a house in the country and I'm on the road at least 1/3 of the year playing in front of audiences. And I'm making a mil a year living the life I want.

  All this guilt comes up around the last sentence. Am I greedy? What are my friends going to think? Are they going to think I'm a sellout?

  What is a sellout? Kenny G makes people happy and seems to enjoy his life. I don't like his music at all but I do like that he seems like he's on a high frequency vibe. Whatever makes you happy.

  #4  Get a role model!

  Okay. Never really had one. I'm gendered male. In other words I don't ask for directions when I'm lost. I act like I know where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. It's a lie. I'm way lost and I need help! I don't know anything about the music business and have avoided it cause that would mean clarity and taking responsibility.

  I grew up a huge Jimi fan. But go so turned off by Jimi fanatics. Why are devotees always so poor and dirty? Plus, the poor cat thought he was crap and he died at 27 years old. My role models all have problems.....hmm, I have problems too. So I'll focus on the triumphs. How they got from point a to b all the way to z.

  Alright. I picked up a book of Coltrane interviews and a biography. I love his music but do not wish to sound like him or make music like his, but reading his interviews and bits about him, his humility is what really grabs me. I need to cultivate that.

  I once asked my friend Lawrence Clark about his practice routine. It sounded intimidating. He's really disciplined. I'm a space cadet. But I put together what I could do as a routine and did it. And....I got somewhere. I'm further along. And when I hear him play I'm inspired to work hard.

  I just got off the road doing guitar tech for Tv on the Radio. They sound incredible this tour. What did I get out of it? I raised my standard of weekly income which is great, but more importantly I got surrounded by good vibes and got to stay in the nicest hotels I've ever enjoyed. I like it. I want more. I want to take my projects as far as they have taken their music. At one point I could not have done that gig. Too full of jealousy and resentment. The antidote? Work on your own music and your own self. It's taken years to be happy in that. I would never want to be in their band but I sure love that band and I sure love my own bands!

   Heck. I'm surrounded by role models. I will ask them more about how to get to point b!

#5 Give much more than I expect to receive.

  It's funny how easy this has been when I had my amp repair business. But with music? Well. Progress, not perfection. When i perform I give it my all but always feel I can give more. I want to give more. I like giving. I like giving cause it feels good. I need no other reason than that. So I will plant this into my mind and up the game.


  So here's what I will do with this blog. I need to create more accountability around making music and getting it out there. I am the king of letting myself down but I hate letting anyone else down. So every day here I will post what I did do each day to move further towards the promised land. I invite you to come along on this journey and please feel free to comment, help, be a community, give suggestions, give me a pile of money, whatever makes you feel good!

  Enjoy and get out there and do your best!  J1



  

"What's the most people you've ever played in front of?" Questions kids ask....

  I had a student the other day, maybe 9 years old ask me "What's the most people you've ever played in front of?"

  I answered 3000 at Carnegie Hall. " Whoah!! Were you scared?"

  No, actually it's one of the most normal feeling moments of my life, kinda like if I was a banker and I got a job for a day at some big bank. Like, this is what I'm just supposed to do with my life.

  "What's the most scared you've been playing for people?"

  Hmm. That would be for an audience of 1, specifically my grandmother. When I was 15 she used to ask me to play guitar for her. She would read the paper while I would run through a few songs I knew. Then she would look up and say "Oh, have you started yet?"

  Brutal.....

  I love teaching kids cause they ask such great questions. Stuff I haven't thought about in a long time.

  "What's the fastest you can play?" Oh, I don't know. You've heard of Eric Clapton? "Yeah." How about Chris Impellitteri? "Who's that?" Exactly kid....speed kills. Now write me a good song.

J1

Buffet tenor saxophone mouthpiece....

As a saxophonist I still haven't found that majic mouthpiece. This madness can go on for years. I met a fellow recently who has the dream setup: a Selmer Super Balanced Action tenor in that Coltrane serial range with his $1200 Slant Signature Otto Link piece worked on by one of those famous re-facers. He was complaining about the piece being too this or that, I don't remember. He just had it re-worked and wasn't happy. Yikes. His mouthpiece cost more than my horn....and he's still not happy. I wonder what that is really all about?

I recently picked up a Buffet C2 tenor sax mouthpiece on the cheap to flip like a burger on Ebay. The auction had no description and poor photos but did say good condition so I took the gamble and won. I've had a couple of these before and I've always been able to sell them for a decent amount.

Trouble is, this is a great piece. You see them marketed as "classical" or "legit music" (what does that mean???) pieces but this piece really is great for jazz as well.

What do I like about it? First and foremost is the sound. Really is a happy place between a good Otto Link and a Selmer Soloist. More focused than a Link with that nice 'quack' on the attack that I like from a Soloist. It's dark and even, gives up the 'toasted baguette' thing I like: solid and hearty with a warm crispy exterior. It's got loads of harmonics but is also so clear in the center. Great depth.

It's easy to play, altissimo pops easily, subtone is lovely. It really likes double embouchure. I get not just a 'big' sound but the right kind of big sound. Big and muscular, not too many doughnuts big. Plenty of power despite the small tip opening.

And.....just like a beautiful sounding but quiet Selmer Airflow I played last month (Priced at $500 New Yorker dollars!) it is the most in tune piece I've ever played. This will save me and whatever producer I'm working with time on any intonation issues I may have.

I have 3 pieces right now, this one, an 80's rubber Link that I always seem to come back to and a James Bunte 42 piece which is more on the brighter more rock side of the spectrum. I'll play this Buffet a bunch and won't be surprised if I go back to my crappy Link in a month but for now I say give one of these a try. There are plenty of great options out there that don't cost Otto Link or Selmer prices. Heck, I had an old French made Bundy that knocked out some thousand dollar pieces! Experiment! Have fun and make the best music you can!

Los Angeles, dance music and MGM Grand.

I lived in Los Angeles from April 2010 to Febuary 2011, just a brief stint. I wonder sometimes what it was al about, that time. Then I ran across these 2 videos tonight and remembered, this is what it was all about....

I got to be blessed by working with some lovely folks, amongst them JMY Leary and MGM Grand.

I won't attempt to speak about dance or music here, anything I say would be jive. I'll just let it speak for itself. I'll just say that I can't imagine a more appropriate use of my work than what these folks used it for. I hope to collaborate with them again some day.

The drummer on the 1st piece is my dear friend Steven Denman. I miss him too.

Enjoy.

http://vimeo.com/37933876

http://vimeo.com/37180016

xoj1

The shame of being a good lead guitarist.

  3 weeks ago I was visiting a dear old friend from my college days who was kind enough to hire me to help rebuild an old recording console. It's always great to see this fellow, he's a true treasure and has a lovely family as well. He's one of the 3 people I still talk to from my college days, the rest I was never that close to and lost contact with the day I fled Boston. The day I fled, and I do mean fled (attempted murder got me to my safer city of Baltimore! But that story is for another blog!!!!), it was 1988. I had been a Berklee College of music student for 2 years at this point. I think the attempt on my life, well, maybe I attracted that as a way out. I didn't want to be a financial burden on my parents any longer, wanted to make my own money, carve my own path and after being the egomaniac kid I was, well, 2 years of music school, I was better than that and had something to prove. And truthfully, after 2 years of music school, I didn't even know why I started playing in the first place and didn't even know if I was any good at all! I needed to test the Kitty Hawk......

   So back to my friend 3 weeks ago. He was kind enough to take me to see Allan Holdsworth in North Hampton. I've seen Allan before and met him once. As soon as we sat down it took me back. Back to the same feelings I had when I saw Eric Johnson back in '89 or whenever. The audience was 96% men with a few unfortunate wives. Guitar player men. I don't remember much about the concert except I felt bludgeoned by the sheer amount of notes the 3 dudes on stage inflicted upon us. On the one hand, I appreciate the skill and the fact that Mr. Holdsworth has stuck to his chosen path for so long. It's not easy to do that. The opener was a huge Holdsworth fan. He said something about being grateful that we all got to share such a special moment in music history, when fusion was a somewhat popular form.

  Cool. I liked the people. The music? Not for me but I'm glad people enjoyed it.

  I have a problem when there are no women in the audience. I couldn't understand exactly why I didn't like it back in my college days, the music just didn't resonate with me. But when I was at sausage fest '89 starring Mr. Johnson I got it. This music is wussy and doesn't speak to half of the planet. Seriously. There is something mean about it even in it's instrumental form. I used to wonder why I didn't have more of those ultra cool looking Zappa records like my record collecting friends had then one day I got a bit more honesty in my heart: misogyny and homophobia just aren't my jam. I like The Jimi. He spoke to everyone.

  But....I am a good guitarist. Surely the song oriented indy world of the 90's would be better?

  The 90's started out good for me. I had some bands in Baltimore that were really good and I could express myself freely. Sure I was a drunk for that time, and still hiding behind a bunch of ego, but I got to play my ass off. Funk rock was king and the Chili Peppers were really good at what they did. I wasn't the biggest fan but at least I could fit in somewhere. And the more bored I got with taking my shirt off and waving my dreads around for the ladies, the weirder my music got and the more I got deeper into my own style and vibe on guitar. I stopped drinking so much on my own and realized my vibe was pretty odd on guitar. And that was a good thing. I was able to get out of the comparison phase of music making and just make honest music.

  Then I moved to Portland. Oof. This was 1995. The grunge scare of '90-'94 ended with a nasty suicide. I was sad. That band could play well too even though they downplayed it. There was a lot of passion in that now dead group. The changes left me lost. Portland was a totally different energy, different scene, different vibration. It was oddly divisive. Do I go Indie or blues or reggae or soul or rap or country? No, I don't blame Portland, I think things were just getting divided into pieces musically everywhere. Me being the hipster that I am got involved in the more indie side of things. I was not and never accepted. I was jamming with some folks one day and hit the whammy bar on my trusty old Fender Jazzmaster. The drummer, who was terrible, looked at me laughing and said "uh, you touched the bar". I said "yes, and???" "Um, nothing, I've just never played with anyone who used the whammy, that's so butt rock".

  What is "Butt rock?" Hair metal? The hair monsters never played old Jazzmasters and my style couldn't be further from theirs yet....I knew being good at my craft in this chapter would be a challenge. I suddenly felt judged, stigmatized and this sense of shame. I started to hide. The blues scene wanted me but I'm not a fan and frankly, I'd be a poseur in that scene. Reggae? I'm not Jamaican. Rap? I'm not angry. There was no passion or soul in indie for me though.....

  The indie scene was just as mean as the fusion and hair metal scene. Mean and ugly.

  I started coming across many people who were hiding. I started playing clarinet and saxophone with a Jackie O. The one place I could feel a bit safer. I enjoy playing 2 notes for 20 minutes, this was a group I could work with. But it wasn't really until I met Steve Lobdell and got in with a Rolling Stones cover band that I could actually play guitar the way I really can play and feel safe about it. The cover band, well, that's just what the audience expects. Good rock guitar. And with Steves band (Davis Redford Triad) well, he just has the gift of not caring what other people think, I only played with them briefly but it was a gift. My slow recovery from small minded indie rock hipster guitar meanness began right about this time.

  I wish I had it in me to not care about that others think, I'm better at it now. I am working on a solo guitar record that I'm a bit afraid to finish. I think the time is right and I feel like anyone can enjoy it. I don't use chorus pedals and could never grow the hair the metal guys needed. It's different. I do listen to new music as much as I can and frankly am wondering, where are the good guitar solos? Are we still dividing things so much? Why is it that I need to find the passion I need to be inspired by from records that are 45 years old or more?

  Glad to say though, this is the journey I happen to be on. If you like fusion or indy awesome. Go dig it. And whatever delight and disgust I've experienced on this road has made me the musician I am today. And today, I just enjoy putting my own truth out there for those to be delighted by and for those who have trouble with me using a whammy bar? Plenty of other guitarist to create with. Life it long, but it's still too short for shame.

  There was a night in Belgium that said it all for me. We had just finished playing a gig and the audience was not satisfied. They got in my face actually: "we paid good money to see this and that was not your best!" They were right. So in this group, well, we had little vibe cause none of us had really spent time together before except for me and the drummer. So he and I played the other guys off the stage. I wasn't a good horn player at this point but decided to give it my all. The audience started cheering and smiling. They showed their appreciation. One cat got in my face smiling and said "Now that is what I am talking about!!!!"

  In that moment it became all to clear. You can have all your stupid concepts and bullshit up there but in the end it's still just music which is still about showing up, doing your best, telling your truth and SOUL BABY, SOUL! The rest is just....bullshit.

  Do your thing and tell the truth. And do try to speak to the whole planet.....please!

JB

I had a dream last night that I got a great deal on a Selmer Mk 6.

  I spent the last 2 nights up the Hudson River with my dear friend Miyuki and his lovely family in their amazing house. Needed to re-charge the ol' batteries, just changed jobs and just moved into a new pad and, well, NYC can be exhausting.

  So I was in this deep sleep this morning and I had this lucid dream that I had just gotten a great deal on a Selmer Mk6 tenor sax at Wally's Music in Oregon. I had gotten tired of the key work on my old horns and to get more work I bit the bullet and bought this Selmer. I was talking to people in the dream about my justification of it, I now had a variety of necks I could try out on it blah blah and Wally's had given me $1200 for my horn which is more than I paid for it. My high end would improve etc, more work, good investment etc. I felt really stoked and had this feeling like I had passed through the fire somehow and grew up finally. Welcome to the world of sounding like someone else! I've made it!

  All the while I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I was giving up a piece of myself, my identity, my vibe to sound like an acceptable sax player.

  Then I woke up really sad with this sense of longing for what I had. I woke up feeling like I had given in and made a terrible mistake. It took about 10 minutes to realize my old horn was still in the room and nothing had really changed. It took me the morning to remember that I love my horn and more so I love my connection to my horn.

  Not that there is anything wrong with a Selmer. Give me one and I'll take it and make the best use of it I can. Maybe it would get me more work? I don't know. I heard that was true from some people. But you know, I tried a bunch of horns the other day and I sounded like me on all of them and mine killed the others, more guts, more....me. I can't escape me, I can only accept me and work on me. All good reminders. Spending all that  money won't fix any bad habits or improve my sound. I know this already.

  Sheesh, a dream. It's amazing how deep this all gets in there......

J1