It's okay to say no, you aren't going to crush my spirit! (Rant!!!!)

  So I'm going through the process of looking for drummers to fill our needs in a new project. Here is a peculiar thing that I've noticed happening in our world for the last 20 years: person expresses an interest before and after hearing the music, I get excited and then.....nothing happens. Person disappears. No returned phone call, no text, no email, time feels wasted and I feel dis-respected.

  I don't know what this is about but it feels like our crappy "I don't want to hurt anyones feelings" culture today. I first encountered this when I moved to Portland 20 years ago. I played with so many folks who seemed excited and said "that rocked, let's jam again". By the 3rd un-returned phone call I just had to give up. How can one be so dis-honest? If you don't want to commit, or you don't like it, or you don't like me just say so. It's not going to kill me or stop me from pursuing this vision. Just be honest.

  Around 2007 I walked into a new bar that served great macaroni and cheese on Mississippi Ave and spotted a bartender I met during my early Portland years. She was a bassist I jammed with in 1996. I sat quietly waiting for my order and she kept looking at me. She finally said to me "you look familiar, do I know you?" and I replied "we've met, your name is Mary and you were married to a guy named Heath. He played drums and you played bass and you had just moved to Portland from Florida and were starting a band and we jammed one night and afterward you and Heath said thank you for coming over but you aren't what we are looking for." She looked stunned and said "damn you have a good memory!" I said "no, actually my memory is pretty crappy. It's just that in that time I had just moved here and jammed with a lot of folks and you and Heath were the only folks who were honest with me. I was really grateful about that so you 2 were the only ones worth remembering!"

  They were cool. I'd love it if all of us could be so brave.

J

So if you're gonna talk during the music....

  Tonight Gardens played at Manhattan Inn. Good set, totally different vibe from last week in the room. People just couldn't stop talking. We aren't a loud group so at points it drowned us out. The music deejayed in would bury us. But you know, we accept that it's a bar and people want to talk to one another. Unless you are a balls out rock band that buries the chit chat sounds, this is what you get sometimes.

  The table behind my head was good and loud. Conversation was about how much better Super Mario Cart is than just the regular Mario Brothers games. You know, if you are going to talk during my set, please at least be into something deep. It's kind of embarrassing.

  But then I remembered a great moment in one of the first Evolutionary Jass Band gigs with Bob on bass (yes, he played bass tonight too!). It must have been about 2004 at Holocene in Portland, Oregon. Keelin was playing tenor in the group. We never used a P.A. system and opted for just the room sound instead. Anyway, we kicked off the first song and a young lady about 5 feet in front of us continued her cellphone conversation as if there was no band at all. Keelin approached her with her old Martin tenor sax: "HONK HONK, HONK HONK HONK!!!!" She literally chased the lady out of the room, followed her to the door sounding like an angry Canadian Goose. She became my instant hero right then and there. True punk rock spirit! No tact, no 'political correctness', no jive. Just solve the damn problem!

  That was 11 years ago, a few years before the smartphone. Oh my how we've sunk since then. Does anyone remember what it was like to have an attention span?

J

I forgot I was a musician for a moment, and it was really good.

  Things have been tough recently. New York can be really lonely at times despite the sheer amount of human energy. My debit card was compromised for the 2nd time in a month, I've had all kinds of doubts about my abilities as a musician and generally been asking what am I doing? What is this all for?

  I went to Prospect Park, beautiful place but full of families. Not really a single guy spot where I need inspiration. Sure, I'd like a family and all that but I still need my dose of chaos. That's what Washington Square Park is for.

 I enter on the northwest side and immediately I'm met with a good old sketchy dude trying to sell me weed. Ah....this is more like it. I love saying no to those cats. It's funny and they are always there. The park is alive with music and dance. I hear a joyful noise from across the way so I follow it. Sounds like a jazz band but playing music I truly enjoy, good southern greasy New Orleans jazz.

  I sit down and take it in. This band is celebrating 16 years of playing in the park every weekend. My feet are tapping, an old man is tap dancing, people are smiling and for a few minutes not only did I forget all my petty little 20th century prosperous country problems, I forgot I was a music maker. Their sound filled my heart. I didn't finger saxophone notes compulsively and try to 'figure out' what the tenor man was doing. I became the music. That's rare. Especially with jazz today though they were playing jass.

  I had my guitar with me. My intent was to play in the park. Instruments attract musicians. A guy sat down next to me. Ruh Roh........

  "Hey did you notice that there was something out of tune during the head?" this guy ask. "What?" I ask. "Did you notice they had some intonation problems when they were all playing together?"
"Um, it's jazz." I replied. "Well I just wanted to hear it be more in tune" he says. "Um, they sound like they are having a blast up there, that's all that matters to me bro".

  He tried to carry on a conversation but I hit the ignore button. Gave the band a nice tip when the hat man came around and my new friend left.

  Then, all I could notice was how out of tune they were. Especially the guy playing a trumpet and flugelhorn, AT THE SAME TIME! I just kept noticing the pitch issues again and again, then saying "but how the $#&@ does that man play 2 brass instruments at once, that's amazing! And my fingers try to compulsively figure out what the tenor player is doing.

  So to you musicianers out there. If you see a man sitting in the park smiling on a sunny day tapping his feet to some happy music and he has a guitar or sax or piano or freaky hair, and you feel like you need to share some negative perfectionist thoughts with him and think that maybe you'll make a new ally by co-bashing the band in front of you, please shut up. Don't say a word. I will slap you. Hard. You won't like it but some day you will understand and maybe even be grateful. Leave a smiling man or woman alone unless you have something positive to say! You didn't ruin my day, you didn't ruin my life, but you messed up a moment that I needed. I hope that some other day I forget I make music and lose that division. That was one great feeling and I am grateful to have had it.

J