At the beginning of this summer I went on a trip with my friend and boss to buy a collection of guitars upstate. When I first walked in my head was all full of old crappy assumptions. New wife, she wants him to get rid of his toys, that kind of unkind material. Nothing real, just me making a hurtful image out of my own hurt. This cat was a Beatles fan and was about the same age as Paul. He had a collection of guitars that blew me away, all Beatles style. It was an emotionally painful change. A blind man could see that. And I empathize with both this fellow and his wife.
As they were making the deal I got into a conversation with his wife. She is a spiritual shrink and a psychic. It took me 30 seconds before I felt a wave of joy and some tears, she is exactly the right person for this mans life. Took no convincing. We talked about isolation and letting go of the past to make room for the present. She figured me out in less than a minute saying "you have gone through a painful shift about 2 years ago is what I see" Yup. I hit my bottom in Los Angeles around then. Ego smashed to pieces. She also said this summer will be financially challenging, difficult but "don't scare for nothing" she kept saying. "Just do your work, clean your house cause your life is about to take off!"
I have no doubt she is right on point. No doubt.
I came away convinced it is time to part with my childhood black Stratocaster. Lovely guitar. But it represents a person who no longer lives in this form. It represents that 14 year old Jimi fanatic who bought 100 bootleg recordings and did his best to be someone else. It represents that 22 year old that bought this guitar to achieve a dream in a material form, that guy my friends from long ago are comfortable with, the young man who played louder than necessary with the dreads and who attracted a bunch of female attention. It represents a young man who didn't know who he was who was trying desperately to be cool. It represents a big fish in a small pond destroying his own chances at success.
Best Stratocaster ever but I played it so little after I decided to be myself.
The strange thing about fanatics and worshippers is they wind up depriving themselves and wind up poor and rather dirty. I've said that before. And, that was me. I couldn't see it, but that was me.
Funny thing is when I was a kid I had this dream of moving to New York and I played a big ol' archtop with flatwound strings making some rather wierd and wonderful music. Composing, playing, enjoying this life. That's happening. Today was the best day of my life. I like that trajectory. I like being me. When you are young it helps to have a hero perhaps, but it hurts to become that hero. If I go out and play baseball as Jef Brown, I won't hit anything, but if I pretend to be Jackie Robinson, I'll hit a home run. I may even get the same bat he used. That's fine until you get your own bag together. What you don't want is to stay stuck in that illusion.
So, I've parted with my childhood axe, or better yet, parted with my childhood. I feel really good about it. I don't miss it yet, maybe I will, maybe I won't. I don't miss my youth either though. I appreciate my past but don't miss it. And I'm glad someone else will be able to enjoy that old guitar.
JB
As they were making the deal I got into a conversation with his wife. She is a spiritual shrink and a psychic. It took me 30 seconds before I felt a wave of joy and some tears, she is exactly the right person for this mans life. Took no convincing. We talked about isolation and letting go of the past to make room for the present. She figured me out in less than a minute saying "you have gone through a painful shift about 2 years ago is what I see" Yup. I hit my bottom in Los Angeles around then. Ego smashed to pieces. She also said this summer will be financially challenging, difficult but "don't scare for nothing" she kept saying. "Just do your work, clean your house cause your life is about to take off!"
I have no doubt she is right on point. No doubt.
I came away convinced it is time to part with my childhood black Stratocaster. Lovely guitar. But it represents a person who no longer lives in this form. It represents that 14 year old Jimi fanatic who bought 100 bootleg recordings and did his best to be someone else. It represents that 22 year old that bought this guitar to achieve a dream in a material form, that guy my friends from long ago are comfortable with, the young man who played louder than necessary with the dreads and who attracted a bunch of female attention. It represents a young man who didn't know who he was who was trying desperately to be cool. It represents a big fish in a small pond destroying his own chances at success.
Best Stratocaster ever but I played it so little after I decided to be myself.
The strange thing about fanatics and worshippers is they wind up depriving themselves and wind up poor and rather dirty. I've said that before. And, that was me. I couldn't see it, but that was me.
Funny thing is when I was a kid I had this dream of moving to New York and I played a big ol' archtop with flatwound strings making some rather wierd and wonderful music. Composing, playing, enjoying this life. That's happening. Today was the best day of my life. I like that trajectory. I like being me. When you are young it helps to have a hero perhaps, but it hurts to become that hero. If I go out and play baseball as Jef Brown, I won't hit anything, but if I pretend to be Jackie Robinson, I'll hit a home run. I may even get the same bat he used. That's fine until you get your own bag together. What you don't want is to stay stuck in that illusion.
So, I've parted with my childhood axe, or better yet, parted with my childhood. I feel really good about it. I don't miss it yet, maybe I will, maybe I won't. I don't miss my youth either though. I appreciate my past but don't miss it. And I'm glad someone else will be able to enjoy that old guitar.
JB
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