Holding back

I don't understand what is happening with music today. I see a lot of talent being held back intentionally. A lot of fear. I know the passion is there, please reveal it.

When I had the Evolutionary Jass Band going my intention was to become a better sax player. That was it. We made some good music but I was often frustrated with our creation. It was perhaps a matter of that intention, it sets a limit to what I wanted to do. It's like with my business, Leighton Audio. I made an intention for it to bring in $1000 a week. What happened? I brought in exactly $1000 a week average and could not seem to to better. Some weeks much less, others only slightly more. What if I set my intention differently? It became a difficult cycle to break. It was hard for me to take the Jass Band to the next level perhaps cause I set a level in the first place!

In Jackie O I was at a real crossroads with music. I had left the 90's funk zone and made the first honest music of my life with a band called Visitors. I felt free. Then I moved to Portland. I'm not sure that was a great move. I was faced with a scene that confused me, different language, different set of rules*. Jackie O helped me process that. I needed to answer 'what do I even like about making music?' I just saw too many bands that lacked inspiration or energy so I went from playing straight music to playing 2 notes for 45 minutes at a time. My old friends were baffled. I was uncomfortable but knew I was going sane slowly.

Now in music I just want to kick ass. Show up 110% and let it fly. Ill become the musician I need to be with this attitude. Nothing standing in my way shall be an obstacle. I'm happier than ever with the music I'm creating. And really, I'm not serving this world by giving back to it anything less than all of me, for the world has given me everything I need. It's a state of praise and thanks.

We are a funny lot here in the U.S. We don't like to make waves. Be honest. Did another gig tonight where I heard from several people "Sounded Awesome Dude" from the next band. How would you know? You weren't even in the room! And yes, it's a small room and I'm good with faces so please, just tell the truth!

And that's a part of it. I wonder why it's so difficult to tell the truth. It actually takes less energy to be honest. It takes less energy to play a show and reveal your truth. It takes more energy to hold your passion back. It takes more energy to lie. So please, let's get on with the show already. And show up and reveal yourself.

JB

*A word about Portland. I'm not writing this to bash Portland or the scene there in the 90's. Just need to acknowledge my experience of it. I love and miss alot about Portland especially the people. I was just used to something else. Portland gave me a lot of beautiful gifts, I just didn't really feel safe to be myself ever, didn't 'fit in'. It's all good. That is why one leaves. And when I left things had changed. I think the scene there now in my opinion is much more what I needed. Of course, this may all be a matter of growth and perception. I wasn't as open in '95 as I am now and that was a part of the problem. So, love to Portland, love to the 90's, and thanks to this life. It's all good baby!

1946 Epiphone Spartan

This guitar is my main squeeze. I spent 20 years trying to find the right archtop and when my playing was ready it walked into my life. These are smaller bodied guitars, I think 16". No tubbiness to the sound and tons of VOLUME! I've played a $10,000 L-5 from the 30's that just didn't do it like this guitar does. Other super expensive guitars as well don't hold a candle to this one. I think old Epis are the best value on the market. Built in NYC!

https://soundcloud.com/jef-brown/swingtron

https://soundcloud.com/jef-brown/cardomom-instrumental

Best thing about a great instrument for me is they tell you the song, it just pours out.
I'm one blessed guitar player! JB

Faith

About 2 weeks ago I decided after a rather painful conversation to stop taking gigs as an unpaid hired gun. My biggest anxiety is that myth saying "you won't play if you decide to stop playing for free!" That's a lonely way to be.

But what's so awful about being alone? Really.

The morning after I got offered 2 gigs. The last question I asked about 6 hours later was do these gigs pay. The response was 'sure, whatever, it's rock, we split the door that's how it works.'

Really? Is that how some of my friends have swimming pools and NO DAY JOB?

I don't buy this logic. I think it's the death of us. I've been saying this for 25 years now and things still haven't panned out.

So I asked for some money and got turned down humanely. Dude just couldn't do it. Cool. You know what? I need the time to focus on Gospel of Mars and my solo record. I don't need to go to rehearsal and get resentful for no money.

Next day got asked to do another. I said no. No pay, no play. And the following day, same thing. Kinda painful, lonely and that feeling of 'I'm being a dick, how dare I ask these underpaid artist to get paid???? WHO THE HELL DO I THINK I AM?????"

Well, lets see. The sound man gets paid well. The video maker, the producer, the stylist. Everyone gets paid except for the actual people making the music. What's wrong here?

Well, the sound man ask for money, the producer ask for her needs to be met, so does the stylist, so does the video maker.

There's this narcissist in me that wants to be approved, loved perhaps. That's the part that always gets me in trouble. As a hired professional I'm not being paid to be loved, I'm being paid to leave after giving a night or 2 of great service. I don't need to make the boundaries unclear with insecurity and approval seeking. The actual me needs support, financial support. It's that simple. I love to work, I love to give service, I love getting paid. If you need my opinion I'm wearing a producer hat. Pay me for that and I'll be of great help.

I met a producer in Los Angeles once on a benefit job. He told me something I'll never forget. He said he gets asked daily by artist to review their demo and give some pointers. He replies "sure, would love to listen! My rate is $1000 an hour." People usually scoff. He said "So if I give this guy advice and they follow it and they make a hit and earn 10 million bucks do you think they'll remember to pay me anything?" Point taken. This man values his TIME. I dig it baby.

My life is rich and busy. I'm not getting any younger. I need the time to focus on the music I'm making every day now. I like doing support gigs, I actually just can't give away my time for free any longer.

So why is this post called faith? 3 days ago I got offered $100 to play some acoustic music for an hour at a wedding. I've been told that by saying no to unpaid opportunities I say yes to those that do pay. Self love pays. $100 to show up for 1 hour, play some music and leave. That's faith at work. An affirmation to a new way.  I can do this, I am worth it. We can do this. We are worth it.

Love, JB