The blues, criticism and fearback.

  Things have been going swimmingly lately. My confidence in my playing and projects has been soaring. Progress being made, and progress for me is the key to human happiness. That feeling that you are going somewhere. I laid down tracks for a demo 2 weeks ago and couldn't sleep for 2 days after I was so ecstatic. It's just a lovely piece and I can hardly wait to finish it with vocals and all.

  I was dancing in the streets. I could see, feel, hear and smell the vision. Not a fantasy. Not a delusion. I know the difference. When it's just so engulfing, it's vision.

  Then a couple days later the critic speaks. This time it wasn't that nasty drunk at the back of the bar in my head, it was a friend. For the last 10 days it's been the blues. I can't play. I can't write. What I do is trite. Middle of the road. Sounds like Jazz. I want to sell my saxophones and move to the woods, smoke mushrooms and collect a government check if possible.

  Is that what I really want to do? Hell no. I want to be free to be who I am and play the way I play and evolve on my own time. I enjoy this life. The blues don't last forever.

  The problem with criticism is this. The critic is trying to help but what they are often saying is this: "If I were to do it I would do it like this". Another person doesn't live in your head. They can't possibly know what is going on in your life, what you are dreaming. All they know is their own version of perfection and sometimes what I may be doing brings up some fear in another person. Embarrassment of me, or fear I'm just delusional and won't stack up to another. It's really not my problem. It's their problem. Oh, I don't mind feedback, I encourage it. But when it's full of fear, it's not feedback. It's fearback.

  Several time in my life I've been told how I 'should' play. It's a bummer. I live in between. I'm proud to say I don't consider myself a jazz player. In fact I really don't enjoy the 'pro' player vibe. What I do will always have roots. Blues, Arab blues, Jewish blues, American blues, Roma blues, it's the stuff I've digested. It's just feeling music to me, or soul music. When I first started playing the horn I was in a group that had a lot of ESP Disk inspired folk and free jazz mix. I was encouraged to "just pick up where Coltrane left off" by a few colleagues. Man, screw that. I'm going to pick up where I left off which is the beginning of my journey. How do I get the sound I want? What is my C major scale? How do I put what I learned on guitar for years on to this horn? I actually found that feedback offensive. I did many sessions where I worked hard on an idea to just be told "hey man can you just freak out on my indie song? Like Ayler?" I'm not a free jazz player. Those guys came to that conclusion on their own back in the day. And it was a beautiful day at that. But it's not my day. My day, my story, it's different. It's my own. Is it 100% original? No. Nothing ever is. Especially fear.

  Isn't that the nature of fear? Fear is always old. I'm afraid you'll embarrass yourself like I did once. I'm afraid I'll get hurt again if I start dating, perform in a club, take a class of go to the gym. It's old. It's already happened. Let it push up dandelions.

  At one other point in my life I worked 2 years on a project only to be told to abandon melody and rhythm and 'play free' or my partner in crime would leave. Um, go ahead and leave. I still love you. And that is not a bold move to me to play 'free'. It's rooted in fear. There is no risk involved for me. I've sold 37 records to free music fans. I would like to know what it's like to sell 37,000 records or way more to people I'll never meet or friend on Facebook. That's a risk. No dis-respect to those 37 fans. Life for me is about trying something new beyond music. It's about putting as much light in this world as I can as a decent human being. And that is what I intend to do. When I die I want my potential to be completely exhausted. I want to reach as many folks as possible. It's only logical, I kinda do make folk music, or music for folks. It's my responsibility as an artist. It's my duty as an artist....

J

Winter project: re-pad this old King Zephyr!

  It's been a tough winter here in the Big Apple. Tough for me and tough for many of my friends as well. I'm not satisfied with my creative output, been a bit of a struggle to get out of the house. So when the weather insist on being bad (today is lovely!) I need other things to do. This is one of those things.

  Did my first re-pad. Why? the motivation is to learn how to do my own adjustments and fix minor problems on my own horns. I have that kind of mind and this type of work is expensive. I chose this horn on Ebay, it's a 1935 model with the single socket neck and single strap ring hook, chose it cause it was in good shape with no dents and the price was pretty darned cheap. It's a re-lacquer though from what I can tell it was probably just a lacquer. The engraving is super sharp with no signs of buffing. They did make these horns available as bare brass, that was an option. Someone along its 80 year journey had lacquer applied which is the smart thing to do. Protects the metal and keeps your hands from smelling like a machine shop after every practice session!

I also chose this cause it was cheap and I may sell it but after playing it for a while last night it may need to stay with me. It's really good. I like the way these horns look: smart and modern and they feel that way under the hands too.

  So why do my own re-pad, what other reasons besides I'm bored, depressed and don't have the dough and it's winter time? Well, a bit of history. The 3 tenors I've played that made me the most excited were in this order: A King Zephyr from 1950, I Selmer Balanced Action from 1938 and an early 40's Buescher 400. Funny that none of these were Conns which is what I played on for many years.

  I told myself if I ever found a King Zephyr that was as good as the first one I tried (over-priced at $3200 in 2005!) I would buy it. Well, I tried many, including a few Super 20 horns that did nothing for me. Some had really peculiar intonation, others including a very expensive Super 20 were dull as dishwater. Not tone, life, no excitement. I was hooked on the size of the 20's Conn sound but wanted something more modern. The Selmer was a cool $4850 in 2005 and they have gone up. Same horn is close to $9k now. Oh, if cost were no object I'd do it and God willing, that won't be an issue forever, but I can't see myself taking a ten grand horn to the gigs I play and well, I don't need one really.

  I've been trying some new horns out: P Mauriat, Tenor Madness (the best I've tried!) and some new Selmer. They all feel tankish to me. I don't want my horn to be a tank. Heavy build psychologically means heavy tone and heavy playing. I want to get away with that. Tonally those new horns sound like my Buescher, not even close to the Selmers they so try to emulate. They lack finesse, excitement.

  So the King seems the way for me to go. I tried a really beat Balanced Action and really liked it. The Selmer horns have a nice 'bite' to them that my sound, no matter what I do, lacks.

  I re-padded this with Music Medic pads with nylon resonators. That's a part of how my mind works. I've played a lot of horns and the ones that grab me, none of them have metal resos. A king is a tad bright so this mellows it out a bit. The sound gets bigger when pushed, not thinner. If I could re-do my Buescher this way without the 'collector' anxiety bs and those snappo resonators, I would do it in a snap (pun intended!). The worst sounding horns I have played have those ugly star resonators. I don't know if it's psychological or what, but to me the warmth is compromised with those big star things.

  So far I'm really digging this horn. It's a smaller bore than I'm used to. The sound is more compact and the response is fast. It still has some timing issues I need to address but they are getting worked out bit by bit. This horn is powerful. These old Kings have a reputation for dodgy intonation. Not the case with this one. Now that I've spent some time with it I find it easy to play in tune. I'm using an Otto Link Super Tonemaster 8. I have played other kings that liked to go sharp in the upper register. This one stays in tune really well. Quite the opposite of my old Conns which liked to blow sharp. Those did me well since they forced me to relax or I wouldn't be in tune! If I'm all tight, my sound goes out the window!

One thing I really do like about this horn is how even it is. The high end doesn't thin out like some tenors do. It stays strong. I also like the keywork. Easiest glissando I've ever had. Very smooth and nice and light. The weight is on the lighter side too. I was always convinced that a horn needed to be heavy for it to be really good. My neck doesn't like that philosophy. An old Selmer feels light in the hand (Balanced Action? No one has made a more fluid horn than that!), and so does this horn.
It has that perfect tenor 'angry' midrange that I like. It sounds like I mean business!

Art Deco is sexy........

J

2/19/15 There is nothing more that I love

  There is nothing more that I love than creating music. Nothing. I spent hours creating horn parts, layering harmonies on top of one another the other night. Technology amazes me. I'm not even that good at using Pro-Tools. I still approach it like a fancy four-track.

  Doing this kind of work I know I'm in harmony with reality, nature and my true self. Time stops. I lose physical hunger and that gets replaced with a perfect hunger. All my petty problems melt away and the big, bad world with all of it's division and meanness simply vanishes.

  I'm in love with my 2 projects. Something I haven't felt for a very, very long time. I question some days if New York is good for me. It's so expensive to have space, there is so much stress here, so much ambition then I realize, New York is right now for me. Not much else matters. I like the now. The past is a dead thing, the future hasn't been written yet. When creating music I'm in love with the now and nothing else matters.

J

2/12/15....nervous gig

  Did a gig tonight. I think it went well. Hired gun gig. Don't really enjoy those. Learn some songs and play at a tiny joint called Pete's Candy. Every mistake becomes epic in my mind. "I'm no pro, who am I kidding?" Funny how the mind works like that, at least this mind does. Beat myself to death over a wrong chord. Perfectionism=the death of my own good nature. All that Berklee memory rushes to the front of my head and I start to judge the people around me. That 18 year old college boy inside me is hurt and scared and now that he lives in a 40+ year old body, he can't even express himself musically or with cocky scared schoolboy language.

  Thank god he can't open his mouth. I get to tell him what I wish someone told me back then: just listen and learn and do what you really want to do. There is love for your truth. Start by loving you dude.

  Oh well. Anyway, the audience enjoyed it and we did play well. And one mission was accomplished: I got to expand my circle of people. Make new connections, that sorta thing. It's not all just about music. It was a one night stand for me, all I can do at this point is focus on the 2 wonderful meals on my plate already. I am inspired by the hard work the other folks put into it and the assembly of a vision. That's enough. I dig it and I'm grateful to have served!

J

2/10/15....breakthroughs!

   It's been a minute since I've been on this page. Last month was January, my least favorite month. All those cheerful Christmas lights are gone and New York just looks drab and ugly. Plus, sick students, sick clients=NO MONEY! February is already way better and I'm glad I've made it to month number 2!

  Had a great performance on Saturday at Troost with Gospel of Mars. I want more performances for us. It's a good band. I have a lot of fun with us. Plus, I like being the only act on a bill. I like playing 2 sets. First set was all about the fireworks, the second was about the subtlety. By set 2 I'm usually in a state of surrender. Not unlike exercising. You get past a point where "I'm tired" doesn't have any meaning any longer. Next day I couldn't do anything except watch a Zombie Apocalypse show. Completely exhausted but in a satisfying way. 2 sets will do that. I want to give all of me away.

 


   Last night I had a good practice session on my horn. I had one major, well, 2 major breakthroughs. First was quite simple: I've been playing on this metal Otto Link mouthpiece, a #8 model. I really like it but have been getting this 'chirp' I don't like and its also quite easy for it to Kirk out and jump octave, squeak and all that stuff. I was about to send it off to my fellow in Portland for inspection/perfection when he suggested a couple things. Problem solver: ligature needed to be tighter. Twist of a screw and more practice. No more chirps, squeaks and my tone immediately got darker and more centered, just how I like it.

  I am the master of the $1000 solution to the $4 problem. This one cost me nothing but the willingness to experiment.

  Breakthrough 2: My high G# popped out. And then it popped out again, and again, then I managed to sustain it. My high G started to happen too. High F#, A, Bb, B, C, C#, and D are easy now, but that break point. Let me just tell you. I don't have the best practice habits, this I admit. But it's taken me a decade of reaching for those notes to get them, and they are getting easier every time. That feels so good, real boost of confidence!!!


   My highest notes on soprano are popping now too. I don't take soprano so seriously but still, I've had my lovely 'fish horn' since 1999 and it's taken me until now to nail high Eb-F.

  Need to celebrate that good stuff!!!

J

Photos: Efrian Gonzales

1/24/15, Gardens horn tracking...can't get enough.

Having one of those nights. It's 4am and I can't stop listening to this new track. We did the vocals last night in my apartment and tonight I recorded horns. Just needs trumpet and flute....

Just keep saying "damn".

This is going to be a sexy album. That's the vibe. I like making music for people to, um, create to.

Been watching the Twilight Zone, the original Rod Serling version of course, what else is there? I think it's having an influence. More than music. The last 4 episodes were pure poetry. Beautiful.

A message to just be cool and handle life with care.

Love to you all, J

1/21/15 Gospel of Mars creating session. My soprano is back!

Got my soprano saxophone back from being repaired at KB Saxophone services in Long Island City. Those of you who don't know Kim, he runs a world class out fit.

http://www.kbsax.com/

Aaron and I had a session tonight that we kept nice and minimal. I played my soprano only tonight. Good to play something different. Soprano kinda forces me to take a different approach all together. Mine is quiet powerful, an old Martin from the 1920's. When I bought it 15 years ago it outdid many other horns costing far more. But what I like the most about it is I can not for the life of me get that saccharine smooth jazz sound out of it. I'm sure a better horn player than I can do that but the other horns I played at the time, they seemed to love that more than they loved my concept. I get a really big and clear tone from this horn, very eastern. May be the best five hundred Washingtons I've ever spent.

I tend to play less notes on the soprano and it's easier for me to get inside the feelings I am working with. Tonight I worked with some 4 note scales. That kind of simplicity makes better music for me at times. Music thrives in constraints for me, and almost always dies in freedom. I like boundaries. They force me to explore rhythm deeper than me using all 12 notes.

J