Hi readers. It's been a long time since I've been here. Truth be told I don't see all that much point but then I ran into some folks that said they like what I write here. They also said something alarming....
"When I read your blogs, (this one or my tube amp repair blog) I usually want to buy whatever it is you are writing about."
Scary. I never knew I had a career in advertising. I don't think I wish to participate in this.
And that is what I am going to talk about today. It might get a little cathartic.
Consumerism is a disease. It's been a monkey on my back since I was a teenager. I'm going through what I guess is a breakup today, I'm gutted... I do not like what I am feeling one bit. I will miss her dearly. I spent the day before yesterday in bed, weeping, and doing the best practicing I could to prepare for my gig tonight at Tubby's (11/12/2023) here in Kingston, NY.
There's a big difference to my experience today. I don't actually feel like buying anything. I can look at literally every breakup I've had since I was a young man and see a purchase I made to blow off the feelings of heartbreak. The day my dad died two years ago.... I bought a beautiful $2500 classical guitar that I hated. Someone loves it now thank goodness......
Back in 2010 I wrote a list of tenor saxophones I had purchased. I couldn't remember past 40.
Forty..... at that point I had been playing for about 13 years. That is insane. That is counterproductive. That is pretty stupid. That is sickness.
I have one tenor as of November 1st 2023 and three mouthpieces, only one of which I'm exploring now. Neither are particularly valuable but the combination sparks joy every time I pick it up. For once I'm not comparing this to that and I'm just...... playing.
As of November 2nd 2023 I'm no longer paying off anything on PayPal Credit (that no interest over $100 for purchases over $99 is a killer for wasting my energy!!) and I'm no longer paying off a purchase I made at a shop I work for. I think I can get to like this. That purchase I made from the shop? Beautiful, amazing and I don't need it. What I do need is more gigs and my own band again.
So what has happened? Honestly I do not know. I think I just literally got bored of paying things off and wasting my time messing around with excess. The man who taught me how to play bought his tenor in 1948 and played it until he died in 2008. He had two more over the years... one was a backup that got stolen and the other was a horn he bought cause it was a great deal and it was pretty.
So, no pictures here of what I'm enjoying. I don't wish to participate in this consumer culture by writing about how great my instruments are. And I will be okay when I will be okay. Breakups are hard even if they are the "eff you, go away" variety which this is not. This is merely a life path thing so it's much harder. I'll heal one hour at a time.... and I'll play what I have one day at a time... and I'll use what I have to continue to make my next record one day at a time.
And I'll do my best not to buy anything I don't actually want or need these next 365 days despite being constantly bombarded with Reverb and eBay ads one day at a time. I'll continue to value the space I have more than the clutter one day at a time. After all, the space between the notes is just as important and the notes themselves.
-Jef
