In 2007 I joined the online forum Sax on the Web. I left in 2010. I have nothing against internet forum communities but thought I'd share my experience here and hope that some reader finds it useful.
The internet is a peculiar new reality. I cannot tell if it is bringing more people together, or simply driving us apart. I joined SOTW to explore my fascination with my chosen instrument and to share my journey with some fellow players. Well, that's the positive reason for joining. I also need to admit here too that I was having serious struggles with the equipment obsession trying to solve problems by buying gear rather than practicing on what I have. I did spend most of my time on the equipment side of the forum.
Obsessing and chasing gear is a fabulous way to insure you won't grow.
I could not stop.... not without massive help.
Does this resonate?
So, most of my interactions were pleasant. A few members were kind enough to let them know they like me and enjoyed some of my contributions. I'm no "pro level" horn player, not in the schooled jazz sense, but I have a good ear for tone and work really hard to make good sounds be it sax or guitar. I learned a lot. It helped me clear up some things and make some enlightened choices.
But then I'd read about the latest heavy neck screw or whatever to make your sound better and there went another bit of cash.
I could not stop........
Then some things started getting weird. I suppose those who frequent forums often know it's nothing unusual, but the negativity stuff. The occasional person who maybe isn't well and just needs attention attacking you. Today I know my choices better. If someone goes low I can choose to go high. But back then I did my best and slowly started to sink. Someone operating at a low frequency seeks to bring you there. Two things can bring out the darkness inside: your own darkness or your own light. I could be captain positive sunshine and get pounced by someone for doing so. I didn't know it didn't need to bother me so I'd engage.
By the end of my stay I made a few questionable comments criticizing peoples choices myself. That's not me to do that. I didn't like this version of me.
Oh, and I couldn't stop.....
One day as I was satisfying my fix at my coffee shop in Echo Park, yes I considered myself addicted to this forum by this point and it was bad, I received a private message from a member who I had apparently offended. At this point I had just under 500 post. He tore into me. Tore into what he knew about me (which isn't anything, all internet social activity including this blog is my brand, not me, it's bullshit) and dealt some low blows. He used threatening language, the works. He left off with a peculiar warning that I waste too much time there judging from my near 500 post.
500 post....that is a lot of time spent there. The number was right there in front of me. What was I getting from that number? It was a bucket of water poured on my sleepy head.
I answered him with a thank you. I didn't know what I did to offend this person but thanked him for pointing out something I was refusing to see. I was an addict. 500 post. I couldn't stop. I was spending more time here than I was making music and becoming a better player and person. This needed to stop.
I said to myself "please shoot me if I reach 1000!"
I pointed out to him he was approaching the 1000 mark......
So I did the best thing I could. I made one final post announcing "this is my final post, thank you for the good times". I did this so I couldn't go back. My ego needed to do such a thing. I contacted an administrator and asked that I be removed since they don't let you just go. I explained my addict behavior and that I needed this. I kinda begged. She told me she was sad to see me go and found me to be an interesting and valuable member and that it would say on my profile that I was 'banned'. I said "go for it! Thank you!"
That stopped the bleeding. I keep more money now and have become a much better player by spending time taking care of my gifts and digging into my own dreams.
So what about my side of the street?
I needed to admit there was ego tripping on my part. I got high on being right a few times. That felt gross but in a satisfying way. Yuck.....
If I did it again I wouldn't use an avatar. I'd use my name. That creates, for me, a better energy.
People say things over the internet that they would never say in person. For the most part we are rather docile creatures prone to decent social behaviors. But behind miles of fiber optic cables and satellites all bets are off. Read any comments section on any online news or video channel and you can see it. It's unfortunate behavior. There is absolutely no physical accountability online. If I said some of the things some folks said to me, I'd expect to get my nose broken. I even said to my 'private message' guy "you know, I bet we'd actually have a decent conversation about any of this over a cup of coffee". I don't think ill of that person at all. In hindsight I think he was struggling with the same problem as I was: he could not stop. If we met in person we may have actually helped one another. But in this cyber world? Has anybody ever grown from a Facebook argument? The #1 emotion on the web is rage. I don't know why this is but it's easier to go from 1 to 10 on the rage-o-meter on the web for me than when I'm sitting in NYC traffic!
I do follow SOTW still. I learn a lot. I learn about players I've never heard about and I'm grateful. I'm stronger now, wiser, but wise enough to know how easily I could get sucked back into behavior that harms me, so I read and then pick up my horn and work on ideas. I'm grateful for the whole experience. I'm grateful to Dr. G, JL, others and especially KCP for helping me move on.
I think it's a good thing for some people, just not for this person. If it's good for you, enjoy it! If you think you have a problem and cannot stop, there is help available. Reach out and get it, then get on and improve your playing, life, relationships, joy, heart.......
-Jef
The internet is a peculiar new reality. I cannot tell if it is bringing more people together, or simply driving us apart. I joined SOTW to explore my fascination with my chosen instrument and to share my journey with some fellow players. Well, that's the positive reason for joining. I also need to admit here too that I was having serious struggles with the equipment obsession trying to solve problems by buying gear rather than practicing on what I have. I did spend most of my time on the equipment side of the forum.
Obsessing and chasing gear is a fabulous way to insure you won't grow.
I could not stop.... not without massive help.
Does this resonate?
So, most of my interactions were pleasant. A few members were kind enough to let them know they like me and enjoyed some of my contributions. I'm no "pro level" horn player, not in the schooled jazz sense, but I have a good ear for tone and work really hard to make good sounds be it sax or guitar. I learned a lot. It helped me clear up some things and make some enlightened choices.
But then I'd read about the latest heavy neck screw or whatever to make your sound better and there went another bit of cash.
I could not stop........
Then some things started getting weird. I suppose those who frequent forums often know it's nothing unusual, but the negativity stuff. The occasional person who maybe isn't well and just needs attention attacking you. Today I know my choices better. If someone goes low I can choose to go high. But back then I did my best and slowly started to sink. Someone operating at a low frequency seeks to bring you there. Two things can bring out the darkness inside: your own darkness or your own light. I could be captain positive sunshine and get pounced by someone for doing so. I didn't know it didn't need to bother me so I'd engage.
By the end of my stay I made a few questionable comments criticizing peoples choices myself. That's not me to do that. I didn't like this version of me.
Oh, and I couldn't stop.....
One day as I was satisfying my fix at my coffee shop in Echo Park, yes I considered myself addicted to this forum by this point and it was bad, I received a private message from a member who I had apparently offended. At this point I had just under 500 post. He tore into me. Tore into what he knew about me (which isn't anything, all internet social activity including this blog is my brand, not me, it's bullshit) and dealt some low blows. He used threatening language, the works. He left off with a peculiar warning that I waste too much time there judging from my near 500 post.
500 post....that is a lot of time spent there. The number was right there in front of me. What was I getting from that number? It was a bucket of water poured on my sleepy head.
I answered him with a thank you. I didn't know what I did to offend this person but thanked him for pointing out something I was refusing to see. I was an addict. 500 post. I couldn't stop. I was spending more time here than I was making music and becoming a better player and person. This needed to stop.
I said to myself "please shoot me if I reach 1000!"
I pointed out to him he was approaching the 1000 mark......
So I did the best thing I could. I made one final post announcing "this is my final post, thank you for the good times". I did this so I couldn't go back. My ego needed to do such a thing. I contacted an administrator and asked that I be removed since they don't let you just go. I explained my addict behavior and that I needed this. I kinda begged. She told me she was sad to see me go and found me to be an interesting and valuable member and that it would say on my profile that I was 'banned'. I said "go for it! Thank you!"
That stopped the bleeding. I keep more money now and have become a much better player by spending time taking care of my gifts and digging into my own dreams.
So what about my side of the street?
I needed to admit there was ego tripping on my part. I got high on being right a few times. That felt gross but in a satisfying way. Yuck.....
If I did it again I wouldn't use an avatar. I'd use my name. That creates, for me, a better energy.
People say things over the internet that they would never say in person. For the most part we are rather docile creatures prone to decent social behaviors. But behind miles of fiber optic cables and satellites all bets are off. Read any comments section on any online news or video channel and you can see it. It's unfortunate behavior. There is absolutely no physical accountability online. If I said some of the things some folks said to me, I'd expect to get my nose broken. I even said to my 'private message' guy "you know, I bet we'd actually have a decent conversation about any of this over a cup of coffee". I don't think ill of that person at all. In hindsight I think he was struggling with the same problem as I was: he could not stop. If we met in person we may have actually helped one another. But in this cyber world? Has anybody ever grown from a Facebook argument? The #1 emotion on the web is rage. I don't know why this is but it's easier to go from 1 to 10 on the rage-o-meter on the web for me than when I'm sitting in NYC traffic!
I do follow SOTW still. I learn a lot. I learn about players I've never heard about and I'm grateful. I'm stronger now, wiser, but wise enough to know how easily I could get sucked back into behavior that harms me, so I read and then pick up my horn and work on ideas. I'm grateful for the whole experience. I'm grateful to Dr. G, JL, others and especially KCP for helping me move on.
I think it's a good thing for some people, just not for this person. If it's good for you, enjoy it! If you think you have a problem and cannot stop, there is help available. Reach out and get it, then get on and improve your playing, life, relationships, joy, heart.......
-Jef
