2/19/15 There is nothing more that I love

  There is nothing more that I love than creating music. Nothing. I spent hours creating horn parts, layering harmonies on top of one another the other night. Technology amazes me. I'm not even that good at using Pro-Tools. I still approach it like a fancy four-track.

  Doing this kind of work I know I'm in harmony with reality, nature and my true self. Time stops. I lose physical hunger and that gets replaced with a perfect hunger. All my petty problems melt away and the big, bad world with all of it's division and meanness simply vanishes.

  I'm in love with my 2 projects. Something I haven't felt for a very, very long time. I question some days if New York is good for me. It's so expensive to have space, there is so much stress here, so much ambition then I realize, New York is right now for me. Not much else matters. I like the now. The past is a dead thing, the future hasn't been written yet. When creating music I'm in love with the now and nothing else matters.

J

2/12/15....nervous gig

  Did a gig tonight. I think it went well. Hired gun gig. Don't really enjoy those. Learn some songs and play at a tiny joint called Pete's Candy. Every mistake becomes epic in my mind. "I'm no pro, who am I kidding?" Funny how the mind works like that, at least this mind does. Beat myself to death over a wrong chord. Perfectionism=the death of my own good nature. All that Berklee memory rushes to the front of my head and I start to judge the people around me. That 18 year old college boy inside me is hurt and scared and now that he lives in a 40+ year old body, he can't even express himself musically or with cocky scared schoolboy language.

  Thank god he can't open his mouth. I get to tell him what I wish someone told me back then: just listen and learn and do what you really want to do. There is love for your truth. Start by loving you dude.

  Oh well. Anyway, the audience enjoyed it and we did play well. And one mission was accomplished: I got to expand my circle of people. Make new connections, that sorta thing. It's not all just about music. It was a one night stand for me, all I can do at this point is focus on the 2 wonderful meals on my plate already. I am inspired by the hard work the other folks put into it and the assembly of a vision. That's enough. I dig it and I'm grateful to have served!

J

2/10/15....breakthroughs!

   It's been a minute since I've been on this page. Last month was January, my least favorite month. All those cheerful Christmas lights are gone and New York just looks drab and ugly. Plus, sick students, sick clients=NO MONEY! February is already way better and I'm glad I've made it to month number 2!

  Had a great performance on Saturday at Troost with Gospel of Mars. I want more performances for us. It's a good band. I have a lot of fun with us. Plus, I like being the only act on a bill. I like playing 2 sets. First set was all about the fireworks, the second was about the subtlety. By set 2 I'm usually in a state of surrender. Not unlike exercising. You get past a point where "I'm tired" doesn't have any meaning any longer. Next day I couldn't do anything except watch a Zombie Apocalypse show. Completely exhausted but in a satisfying way. 2 sets will do that. I want to give all of me away.

 


   Last night I had a good practice session on my horn. I had one major, well, 2 major breakthroughs. First was quite simple: I've been playing on this metal Otto Link mouthpiece, a #8 model. I really like it but have been getting this 'chirp' I don't like and its also quite easy for it to Kirk out and jump octave, squeak and all that stuff. I was about to send it off to my fellow in Portland for inspection/perfection when he suggested a couple things. Problem solver: ligature needed to be tighter. Twist of a screw and more practice. No more chirps, squeaks and my tone immediately got darker and more centered, just how I like it.

  I am the master of the $1000 solution to the $4 problem. This one cost me nothing but the willingness to experiment.

  Breakthrough 2: My high G# popped out. And then it popped out again, and again, then I managed to sustain it. My high G started to happen too. High F#, A, Bb, B, C, C#, and D are easy now, but that break point. Let me just tell you. I don't have the best practice habits, this I admit. But it's taken me a decade of reaching for those notes to get them, and they are getting easier every time. That feels so good, real boost of confidence!!!


   My highest notes on soprano are popping now too. I don't take soprano so seriously but still, I've had my lovely 'fish horn' since 1999 and it's taken me until now to nail high Eb-F.

  Need to celebrate that good stuff!!!

J

Photos: Efrian Gonzales